This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
