Don't make out with my wife yet
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
