why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
