Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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