No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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