At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
bring money and cleavage
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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