I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
