I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
