He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
