He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i out mim tonsoeep
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
