Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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