I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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