does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
