They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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