just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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