So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
