The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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