you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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