Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
