I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
