Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
