drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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