so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
