I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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