Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
being pregnant is like rehab
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
