Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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