the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
