marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
