I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
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You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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