If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wear drunk well.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
