Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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