I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
