wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
