my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
