it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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