Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you didnt know i had herpes?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
