dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
