Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
