WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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