Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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