I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
