OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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