I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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