dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
