so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
