There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
