Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
