You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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