ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
