Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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