the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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