my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's blow job season.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
