You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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