my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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