Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
