it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
