i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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