Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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