guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
