this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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