I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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