I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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