he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
