How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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