I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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