oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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