I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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