I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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