New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
