Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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