I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
