All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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