dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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